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[10 Aug 2004|06:09pm] |
Baby girl has arrived:
Rebecca Lynn
Born July 25th @ 12:33am
7lbs 11oz
18.5 inches
<3
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[07 Jul 2004|08:04pm] |
My baby girl is due the Saturday after next. I cannot wait but I'm also a bit sad. I know that I will miss being a fat pregnant girl. I will miss feeling her little body parts poking and prodding my insides. And yet, I cannot wait to hold her little body in my arms and kiss her little baby cheeks.
Dear baby girl,
You're welcome to make your entrance any time now.
Love,
Your mommy
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[25 Jun 2004|09:16pm] |
I have gotten so bad at keeping up this journal...
Well, anyway, here is an update.
We found out that the tiny tot is a little girl. Her name will be Rebecca Lynn and she is due in about 3 weeks. I'm HUGE and I am consistantly uncomfortable. I am so happy, though.
We have everything we need for little Becca. We're basically just awaiting her arrival. I'm getting anxious and impatient.
*
In other news, I am still working. Its wearing me out and I'm thinking of cutting my hours pretty soon. But we need the money so I will work until I can't stand it anymore.
*
I guess that is all!
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[18 Apr 2004|12:18pm] |
Long time... very long time.
Doubt anyone even looks at this thing anymore. But I will begin putting entries up again, none-the-less.
Alex and I are expecting a little one in July. I'm excited, now, after having several months to cope with it. I feel it moving around a lot now and I am amazed that God has allowed this precious life to grow inside me.
I'm working full time at a daycare right now... changing diapers and chasing 2-year-olds around all day. I'm exhausted most of the time, to say the least. And as I grow bigger, I know that it will only get harder. But, we need the money to save up for the baby.
Soooo... life goes on.
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[08 Oct 2003|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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 moody |
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I'm screwing up my life. Its all going down the drain and I am so tangled in this web I can't breathe.
I truly love few people, when I should love all. And I seem to love all the wrong ones, or perhaps it only seems that way.
( ...survey shiznit... )
by the way. i redid and moved my website... it is now located at http://www.freewebs.com/rainontinroof.
check it out and sign the guestbook.
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[06 Oct 2003|09:58pm] |
"Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening."
- Buffy Summers, "Earshot"
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[24 Sep 2003|08:26pm] |
i've been backstabbed. talked about. rejected. i'm totally broken right now. and i just want to run and hide.
but i will choose to be strong. at least now i know who really cares about me... i guess i always knew that she was a fake. just took her walking all over me to open my eyes to it...
[---------]
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[06 Sep 2003|09:46pm] |
someone asked me today "what makes you beautiful inside?"... and all i could say was "nothing... just nothing..."
inside is where i am jealous, angry, and hateful. it is where i think bad thoughts and where i harbor all of my sinful desires. it is where i make wrong decisions and where i ache with pain because of those decisions.
my life is going down the drain. i'm screwing things up. i'm scared and alone. and its my own fault. i am trying to do it alone, and i can't. i need HIM, the only one who knows what i need and want.
God, i need you now.
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[15 Aug 2003|12:54am] |
My thoughts today as I sat at work. I've been depressed lately...
Sunlight dances like angel's skirts swirling and cascading across the floor. The warmth begins from deep within, crying, screaming to be recognized. It fights to live but it is suffocated by the depression that engulfs it. And thus the beauty will never be seen. For I have chosen the darkness over light.
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[03 Aug 2003|10:44pm] |
so i'm still struggling. with more severe things that i'd rather not mention.
and i met a guy. he's 25 and he likes me a lot. and i think i might like him, but as of now, i don't know him well enough. we'll see how things go...
please say a prayer for me
i always seem to need them...
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[29 Jul 2003|09:20am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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i'm struggling a lot right now with how i feel about life and love and God and worldly things... its a hard thing for me to admit that. i just want to hide it and act like i'm fine. act like i'm totally on fire for God and that i'm happy living my life.
when in reality, although i know that i am just how God intended me to be, i still don't like who i am. i feel fat and ugly. i believe myself to be unattractive and unlikeable. blah.
i have a hard time trusting. i feel like everyone i know is only out there to see what they can get from me and eventually will leave me alone and hurt as so many others have done before... with the exception of a few precious people in my life.
i find myself caring so much for every person i meet. and i wonder sometimes if i will find someone who cares for me as well. i see so much beauty in everyone else, and it scares me that i can't see it in me.
wow. i'm just babbly right now. too much cold medicine.
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[10 Jul 2003|08:51pm] |
wow. i take forever to update sometimes...
went to a movie last night. i got to see ryan, who i haven't seen in a million years, so it was nice. we threw swedish fish at mike, the kid that never talks. loads of fun. be sure to try it sometime. and if that sounds mean, rest assured that he did throw them back at us.
i've decided that i'm currently seeking out a potential significant other. haha. j/k. but i am feeling a bit left out. i got a wedding invitation from a friend of mine today... she's marrying the boy that i had a crush on about 3 years ago... i'm so incredibly happy for them!!! i hope i get to go to the wedding.
...
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[22 Jun 2003|01:12pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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what do you do when you screw up?... when you make a huge mistake?...
i knew i shouldn't mess with temptation. i knew. but i did it. and now i've spent my morning crying and praying... i feel so guilty. i feel so dirty and sinful.
i'll never be able to look any of them in the eyes again.
why do i always screw up?
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[20 Jun 2003|12:21am] |
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mood |
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sick |
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i hate being a grump. but i was today. everything bothered me. its the lack of sleep, i know. i've been working almost non-stop since 8:00 tuesday morning, with little sleep. you would be grumpy too.
so i think i'm going to the pool with beth tomorrow to lie out in the sun and get a burn tan... lol... or i might go with rachel and everyone to elitches for the day with chances of getting ignored the majority of the time. who knows. i'll decide in the morning.
bah. my stomach hurts. just shoot me now. ha. j/k, obviously.
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[17 Jun 2003|05:45pm] |
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mood |
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these past couple days i have been thinking so much about this last year in high school and how i need to start saving up to move out next summer. its got me all worried.
last year i was making 1,200 every two weeks working full time at the daycare center, and i was so stupid with my money most of the time... and i gave some to my parents to pay bills and i don't have ANY left.
so i'm starting out. right this minute with $25 in my pocket and $25 in the bank. i'll be getting paid thursday for nannying and working at Beth's house. blaaahhh.
i owe rachel $52 so i'll pay her back on friday...
oh, the joys of the teen-age years.
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[15 Jun 2003|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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i adore this song (one I should live by):
When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world
Like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many
Moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun
When I give my heart
It will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you
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[14 Jun 2003|10:01pm] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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I loooove the song "When I fall in Love"... what a great song. I want Rachel to sing it at my wedding... once I find a groom... er rather, when a groom finds me. haha.
I'm a bit tired. Spent the day at Rachel's house... It was interesting. Sam (who is staying at their house for now) was there and we were having dinner... He was talking about something, I wasn't paying attention to, but then he starts laughing, and he's the only one laughing and it was so contagious... and I'm looking at him, biting my lip to keep from laughing, and then I couldn't hold it back. I exploded in laughter, causing the entire table to crack up... ok, not the TABLE... but the people around the table...
lol... now I'm pictureing a table laughing... ok... i know, i'm insane...
the end.
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[13 Jun 2003|11:16am] |
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mood |
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Ok, so I can't say that God has given me some huge revelation on the situation with him, but He has given me peace. I'm ok. Things will work out right as long as I keep myself in prayer about everything.
In a round about way I heard that Sam might take me out on my 20th birthday in September. I don't know what I think about that.
Next week I'm going to be busy busy. And I'm glad. I love it when I have tons to do... Keeps myself occupied.
Grrr... When will people get it that just because I say I "like" a guy, doesn't mean I'm interested in him one-on-one relationship wise. It simply means that I see traits in him that I like and I enjoy his company. He is a cool person...
Ok. Now that I've cleared that up, I can leave this entry completed.
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[10 Jun 2003|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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nauseated |
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He called me last night... my first love. We talked for hours. About life since we broke up. How I dropped out of school for a year after that. Talked about all the memories. the teddy bear, the fights, the letters, the stupid childish moments...
and how we said we would wait for eachother forever. how he cried over me... and i over him.
and he told me that he didn't date again until last year. and he ended up sleeping with that girl. and he regrets it so much. that broke my heart.
its too hard thinking about all of that. because we were supposed to get married.
i've been through so much since us. depression, doctors, eating disorders, cutting... and i've really never gotten over it. i gotten better at hiding it, but never got over it. and then he calls and uncovers all my scars.
i still care about him... and i sat there, tears running down my face, talking to the boy that i fell for 3 years ago.
God, please help me. I don't want to be broken anymore.
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[09 Jun 2003|11:21am] |
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so do you know that i think i could like sam. keep in mind that that doesn't mean that i DO like him. i just think i could. although, he is pretty cocky and sometimes rather shallow, but who isn't once in a while?
i do like him though. i wish i could stop torturing myself with guys. its obvious that i don't have a chance with any guy alive in this world. but. i'm pathetic and still cling to the hope that SOMEDAY some nice, funny guy will come along and show interest in me.
baha. i'm going to streak my hair, i think. i want a fun change this summer. just to be different. :) woohoo.
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